Hippie Fragrance Secrets Revealed!

The other day, I was at People's Foods next to my house in Ocean Beach. It's the local food co-op and center for social change: promoting organic, natural, local solutions to commercialism.

On this particular trip the grocery store, I had filled my basket with the usual stock of vegetables and grains and was suddenly inspired by the great idea of buying some 100% natural 100% organic deodorant. After all, if nicotine gets absorbed through the skin via a nicotine patch, aren't I absorbing all the chemicals in my deodorant into my blood stream?

So, confident that I was preventing at least 60 years of subcutaneous chemical absorption, I walked home with a bit of a hop in my step and cooked up some fresh, organic squash for dinner. The next morning, I woke up, took a shower, and came out fresh and clean, excited to try out the deodorant and let the healing begin. Still dripping and smelling of soap, I applied the stick and took the obligatory sniff to see what my new scent was like. I was appalled. Natural and organic though it may have been, and despite the promises of a bouquet of "Tea Tree and Cypress" aromas, once applied to my skin, the resultant smell was a spot-on simulation of B.O.! I should have guessed. Damn hippies.